By Tami D. Frost
Oklahoma poet impacted by bipolar disorder
I wrote this poem when I was going through a hard time. I showed it to my therapist, and she asked if I would mind if others see it. I hope this poem, “IT,” can help someone to understand just a bit of what it’s like living with bipolar disorder.
I wear the mask of normal
while inside torn apart
I awake each day not knowing
in what mood I may start.
As I try hard not to let IT
take control of my head,
some days without warning
IT takes all of me instead.
Each time IT comes to visit
I’m afraid it will show
the ugliness and hatefulness
IT always has in tow.
Each time this feeling hits me,
inside my head I shout,
please stop, I’m scared and go away
never come back, stay out!
I feel as though I’m losing it,
falling off the edge.
But somehow, someway I manage to just teeter on that edge.
My heart starts pounding as my mind races,
my thoughts are out of control,
I feel as though I’m someone else
and they’re trying to take my soul.
I know if I hang in there, myself will reappear
and just as quickly as IT started, IT just might disappear.
I do and say things I regret, and to myself that’s such a threat.
I feel at times that no one truly understands,
because even I have questions,
and that it’s out of my hands.
But with my faith in God, my son
My friends, family and a little care,
I feel I have a chance at life,
and I know I have a lot to share.
God has blessed me in many ways,
and I owe my life to Him.
He was my rock and guider,
when I wanted to give up or in.
But that would be giving in to,
the IT I feel is sin.
Bipolar is a disorder that consumes your
every thought, and when in the
grasp of ITs strong control,
you say things, do things, act in ways
you never thought were possible.
The thought of IT having control,
is almost an unbearable thought.
People just don’t understand,
that IT comes and IT goes,
when we least expect it.
And can cause an otherwise
normal, dare I say, person
to sin cause violence and literally
lose their mind.
But with the right care and medicine,
we as the holder of IT,
can live a life as close to normal,
as we will ever be allowed.
Never quit, and never give in or up.